July 7th, 2004


I'm Ginette 16/female ect. I've depressed for like 5 years now. I was abused by people for a very long time but now thats over and yet I'm still depressed. I don't want to kill myself, but I sometimes want to die. Everything is great and I still hate my life. I feel worthless, like I'm nothing. Only one person knows me well enough to understand me and care. Everyone else is oblivious to the fact that I have feelings. I sleep and have horrible nightmares. I don't really eat. Lately the depression has been more harmful to my being. Don't know why. I suppose I am not even worth anyone's time to read this but I'll post it anyways. P.S. if you read my journal all the real stuff is mostly friends only so just ask me and I'll add you. I'm not a cutter, but I've abused myself emotionally more than one could ever tell. I also don't eat like I said...I'm forced to by my mom and even then. I don't think my life is worth living, and I wish I had the guts to do something drastic so people take the time to realize I am here and that I am not happy. I don't want to be put on anti-depressants however, I hate medication and I'd rather die than be put on ones that change my mood.

Also I often feel like I was never meant to be happy. That is why I'm constantly denied that emotion. Now I just feel like a body, lifeless, and no one cares because of that reason. but i continue on everyday to appease the people who don't even care about me. I hate myself. I always have....maybe I always will.
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