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11:08pm 24/05/2004
 
mood: depressed
I sometimes ponder the meaning of life. what does it all mean, and is there even some greater design to our existance, that sometimes feels completely lost and empty. "Born to live, live to suffer: Those who have breathed the roses sweetest scent, knows it's thorns deepest cut." I am involved with a woman, that i have known of ten years. The joining of us two years ago, is a fantasy in itself. But, i married knowing she was poly. I was ok with things then. I have reciently gone on a business trip that is keeping me away from home for a extended period of time. She has become involved in this guy, who also has a open marriage. I thought i could be ok with things, but it just seems that she is always now with him, and she is just brushing me off. The stress of my work has begun to build to levels beyond my conscious ability to cope. I feel so lost and i long for the release of pain and torment. how could i, even though my will to survive, "at least in the biological aspect" seems to be the only thing driving me to live another heartless day. My son, the one pure thing i hold to me. And i wonder, if i will see him any time soon. Will he even still know me as his father? So many questions, and a god to answer them i doubt even exists.
 
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